Everything Stays the Same

Jacob Sutton
Dr. Mirskin

Everything Stays the Same

When I opened up my laptop to begin writing this blog, I pulled up a google doc and proceeded to have a staring contest with the white page about fifteen minutes.  My hands hadn’t even touched the keyboard.  My friend sitting next to me on the bus at the time actually started laughing, asking me if I was okay.  Truthfully, there was just so much I wanted to write about that I couldn’t think about how to start.  Going back home for October and thanksgiving break, I was immediately overwhelmed each time by how much I had changed as a person.  Sure, physically everything was the same!  My family was still the same, my little Brooklyn neighborhood was the same…. But I was already a completely different person. 

I could talk forever about how I had become more independent, hard working, easy going and just overall mature.  Instead of focusing on how I’ve matured as a person though, I’ve been thinking a lot about why it was so overwhelming for me to come back home. Stepping off of the bus and smelling the dirty yet familiar air of New York City, I fell into a state of shock.  I was in such a funky mood, whether it was visiting with my family, taking a trip over to my high school, or seeing old friends.  But I’ve finally figured it out.  The reason I’ve been so anxious every time I’ve gone home is because everything at home is the same.  I have changed so much in such a short amount of time, and nothing else has changed along with me.  I had gone from a place where I had become much more independent and self aware home to a place that seemed to only remember me as I once was.  I guess I just expected everything to change as I did, in the way that I had.  I assume that was my narcissism (human nature!) at play.   


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